


Memories make the Man

by Miss_blue664



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Citadel DLC, F/M, Other, Paragon Shepard (Mass Effect), Synthesis Ending, Temporary Amnesia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:48:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28372656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_blue664/pseuds/Miss_blue664
Summary: Rebuilding the relationship 3 galatic years in the making, can the Normandy Crew bring their beloved Commander back up to speed?
Relationships: EDI/Jeff "Joker" Moreau, Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian, James Vega/Ashley Williams
Kudos: 8





	1. Aftermath

**Author's Note:**

> My attempt at making sense of the ending and giving Shepard the happy ending she deserves.

She woke up to the smell of blood and smoke. Sitting up was hard as she pushed the piles of other bodies off hers, all of them dead. She looked around and in the low light of the emergency lights she pulled herself to her feet. There was a strange buzz in her ears that she didn’t remember from before... before what? Now? What came before now? She frowned and tried to think about Before. But nothing came to mind, just a blankness and a knowing that something had happened, but not the how or why or what. She didn’t know her name. But as she looked around she knew where she was, it was the Citadel, but now blood coated the bulkheads. She began to pick through the rubble, found a phase pistol and put it on her hip, found some light armor and pulled it on over her torso, legs and arms. She felt safer already. 

“Hello?” She called out, “anyone out there?”

The silence was deafening. She sighed there must have been some kind of attack, how she had survived, she hoped she’d figure it out. Maybe whoever attacked had thought she was dead even though she was just unconscious, a hit to her head, which would explain the memory loss. Well, for now, she could use a bath and some food.   
She picked through the piles of bodies, hoping as she walked towards an elevator she’d find another person. Turians, Humans, Asari, Volus, Hanar, and Elcor bodies lined the floor. She was honestly surprised that she wasn’t barfing at seeing so much death. Then she spotted the Keepers, or a keeper, picking its way through everything, well, that’s good that meant the citadel was still functioning on some level. She found her way to an elevator and realized she was standing in The C-Sec lobby for its main HQ on the Citadel. Weird, maybe she worked in C-Sec? 

The elevator was broken, she sighed, “of course it is..”

She had to get to the presidium commons, there were stores up there, even if everything had gone to hell, hopefully there were food stores she could raid until repair teams showed up. 

She reached back and pulled the tie that was holding her black hair back loose, ran her fingers through it to tear out any tangles before quickly bunching the offending locks back into a quick, tight and dirty ponytail. There, now there would be less chance for wisps getting in her eyes. Looking around, she found an access hatch and with a strength that seemed unnatural tore the hatch loose with her bare fingers. She then started the long climb up. 

The climbing motion was rhythmic, easy, and after a time she could have sore she stopped breathing and just did what she had to do. When she finally bust the next access hatch open she stepped out calmly with no evidence of the long climb she’d just made.  
  
This was... weird. She was breathing evenly, her muscle didn’t ache and her heart rate had seemingly also remained the same. While she had no memory, she gathered that you know enough about your own biology inherently that even when Amnesiac you knew if your body was Right or wrong. And this was.... again weird. She should be sweating, trying to catch her breath, her heart pumping hard to get oxygen to her muscles. But she seemed to be in working order, all systems a go. Although that buzzing was a little louder.   
She shook her head and started walking, even here the dead were piled high. Her searching was methodical, And eventually she found a collection of tools, some food and even constructed a makeshift shelter. Maybe with a little luck, she could Jerry-rig this communicator into working again and make contact with someone... surely someone had to know what was going on. 

*********

“How the hell did we survive that?!” Jeff panted from the adrenaline rush of crashing landing his ship on a planet. 

“Are you asking that rhetorically?” EDI answered. 

“A little?” He looked over his shoulder as Ashley came busting into the cockpit, “Joker, EDI? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, We’re both fine Ash, you?”

“Yeah, what was that shock wave?” 

“I have not begun Analysis, and therefore cannot answer your inquiry.”

“Well while you do that let’s get the crew together and assess damage, Comms still operational?”

“They are, I think” 

“Joker patch me in?”

Jeff turned to his console and was pleased when the ship's systems seemed to be no worse for wear, “Comms live Lt. Commander.”

“Attention Normandy Crew, this is Lt. Commander Williams, I want all Personnel to report To your direct supervisor, I need head counts, Departments assess damage and submit reports. All Alliance officers and off world liaisons report to the Briefing Room immediately.”

She turned heel, “EDI, focus on compiling reports first, then we’ll worry about that shock wave.” 

“Yes Lt. Commander.”

“Joker, I want you in the briefing room too.” 

“Alright. Coming.”

Neither seemed to notice as Jeff kept pace with Ashley as they hightailed it into the briefing room. They ran into James, Tali, Garrus, Liara, Lt. Adams, Lt. Cortez, and Javik. 

“Where the hell is Shepard!” Garrus nearly managed to grab Joker, “why the hell did we leave!”

“Garrus!” Tali tried to hold the Turian back, Liara stepping into help. 

“Whoa! Hey, don’t come at me like that! Williams gave the order.” 

“Fuck your orders!” Garrus roared. 

“Garrus if you don’t stand down!” Ashley physically got between the Turian and the flight pilot. 

“What? What? You’ll leave me behind too?”

“Hey! That’s not fair!” 

“Enough!” Javik's rough voice escalated above the din of the noise of so many people yelling, “we are all impacted by the Commander's Loss, however we need to deal with our own   
situation first.”

Garrus lurched at Javik, but James caught the Turian. “You take that back!”

“If the bird wishes to threaten me, let him, I will gladly help him join his lover.”

“No one is killing anyone!” Ashley roared, “everyone stand down! Okay? We don’t know for sure what happened to anyone, okay? We’re out of communication with Alliance and crash landed. Let get this bird back in the air and establish communications before we start assuming people are dead.” 

Javik opened his mouth to speak but Jeff punched his shoulder, “can it Old man.”

Javik glared but remained silent. The tension slowly simmered down from contention to bubbling anxiety. 

“Lt. Commander...” EDI came over the intercom, “Dr. Chakwas wishes to speak with you, urgently.” 

“Alright, patch her through.... Doctor?”

“Williams, is Garrus up there?”

“Yes, why?”

“Before my patient so rudely left my care, I was doing detailed scans to make sure that his treatment was going according to plan, those scans detected at the time that our sensors detected collision with that shock wave, sudden influx of synthetic parts in his body. I had EDI, run a diagnostic to make sure that the equipment didn’t malfunction. On a whim, when she said that the medical scanner was operating within normal parameters, I scanned myself. I too now have trace amounts of synthetics in my body. I would like to do a full medical scan of all crew.” 

The briefing room was silent, “didn’t he have synthetic parts after he got blown up on Omega?” Tali asked. 

“No.” Garrus grunted.

“Oh...” Tali shrugged.

“I’ll work on it doctor... for now we’ve got other things to prioritize.”

“Of course Lt. Commander. Please let me know if you need anything more from me.” 

“Of course doctor.” The comm went dead and Ashley rubbed the bridge of her nose. "Alright folks, let's get to work, Garrus, please work on getting weapons and external sensors online. Tali, Adams and Cortez you all get down to engineering get engines on line and access the FTL drive. Liara can you work with EDI on accessing the nature of that shook wave. James, Javik, I want you two with me, we're going to assess damage to the Normandy's external hull and make repairs if needed. Everyone clear on their responsibilities?" 

Human and Alien eyes met her and nodded one by one, they turned and headed towards their tasks. She hoped they'd get off this rock soon. 

"Uh.. Ash? What about me?" 

She blinked, "Right.. Joker... uh... can you work on figuring out where we are? planet, system?" 

"Yes Ma'am, if sensors and navigation aren't online, I might have to rely on the old fashion start charts." 

"What ever you have to do Joker." 

He saluted and walked out.

Javik finally cleared his throat, "Didn't the Joker walk with a hunch?" 

James and Ashley blinked, "What?" 

"the Joker, he is walking like he no longer is in pain."

"We're all tired Javik, let's just get to work."  
  
The Prothean growled and just followed the two humans. the Normandy Crew had a lot of work ahead of them.


	2. Lost in Memories

Even with her jerry-rigged communication device it was weeks before she made contact with anyone. She’d worked on cleaning the area around her, methodically pulling people into a pile to burn, trying to keep records of people, either with hair samples or id cards or dog-tags. The area immediately around her little makeshift shelter was clear of bodies, but the smell of the rotting bodies else where was starting to permeate the area. 

She was sitting in her little bed, eating some dextrous bars, when her communicator crackled to life with chatter of some kind, she lept towards it. “Hello!? Hello! Can anyone hear me?” 

“Who is this? This is a secured Alliance Channel! Identify yourself!” 

“I… I don’t know who I am. I am Human. But I have no memory besides waking up on the Citadel.” 

“You’re on the citadel?” 

“Yes, Presidium Commons, near the Zakara Ward.” 

“Are there other survivors?” 

“No… I haven’t run into anyone. Everyone that I have seen… is… dead.” 

“I see, Are you safe?” 

“As safe as I can be, the… stench of the dead is getting worse,but I have food, water and shelter.” 

“Alright civilian, I’ll alert Alliance Brass and we’ll try to get to you soon. I’ll touch base with you again tomorrow.” 

“Alright, thanks, it’s nice to talk to another person.” 

“The war’s been brutal, hang in there.” 

She blinked and wanted to ask what war, but it probably wasn’t the time. “...Right. Tomorrow?” 

“Tomorrow,” the person on the other side of the communicator responded, and soon she was left in silence. She sighed and stretched out, she’d found some data pads and had decided to read, they were trashy novels, and it was better than boredom. 

“Hum… lets see what happens to Sarah and Provus,” she spoke aloud to drown out the buzzing in her ears, it was mostly lost on her nowadays, but sometimes it was too loud. So she’d started talking out loud. She cleared her throat and started reading, putting on a soft and femine voice for Sarah and a scratchy and tenor voice for Provus. The story went from a cheesy romance to very heated. And soon, she had stopped reading aloud and focused on the images. The face of the Turian that Sarah kissed, and hugged and did… dirty things to, became a man her mind seemed to know vividly and yet she didn’t know. The touches were like a ghost on her skin, the feeling deep inside was an ache, and she couldn’t place why she felt that way. As ‘Sarah’ climaxed, She felt a sharp pain through her head. She flung the data pad as she rolled over to hold her head. Tears flowed down her cheeks. Who had she forgotten? 

\-- 

Garrus shuddered as he lay in his bunk sucking in deep breaths through his nostrils, there was a Turian superstition that if you dreamed of someone halod by a sunrise that they were going through a rebirth. And of course he dreamed of Shepard. Kora Shepard, first Human Specter, and his heart. He’s never been a sap before her, and even now he knew he should be facing the inevitability that she was dead. You didn’t defy death twice, there was no Cerberus to rebuild her again. Kora was gona. He’d already grieved her once, when the SV1 was attacked by the Collectors, back before he was so madly in love with her. It was easier then; to say goodbye. Now, his heart ached, his mind far from his duties. If this were a regular Turian vessel, he would have been several punished for his lack of motivation by now. Except every person on the Normandy knew what Kora had meant to him, and they offered silent support or avoided him outright in his misery. He was pretty sure EDI and Joker were avoiding him, to keep from rubbing in his face he was alone and they were still together. 

“Garrus?” Tali’s voice drew him out of his head. 

“.. Yes Tali?” 

“Vega has made a meal for the morning, you should come eat.” 

“I’m not hungry.” 

She moved into the bunks and sat on another bunk across from him, “You haven’t eaten in several meals.” 

“Tali…” 

“You miss her, you are unsure as to her status, but until we know for certain, shouldn’t you take care of yourself? Wouldn’t she want that for us all?” 

He rolled over away from her, not sure he could answer. Tali moved and sat beside him and placed a hand on his shoulder, “Garrus, we’re your friends, we are worried about you, and… I am a good listener. I don’t know what you’re going through, but I loved her too. In my own way.” 

Garrus bit back a sob and he felt Tali wrap him in an awkward hug, which only unraveled him more. He finally turned back over and met her embrace. He was surprised to hear her crying against his shoulder. He hugged her fiercely, his own sadness abated by hers. They held each other for a long time before Garrus sighed, “I… I’m sorry I've been selfish.” 

Tali shook her head, “I keep hoping that Specialist Traynor will say that she’s on the QEC, and that she misses us and can’t wait to see us all again.” 

He chuckled wetly as he pulled away to wipe his nose, Tali laughed, “You smudged your paint.” 

“I’ll fix it… l… forget that i’m not only one impacted by her loss.” 

“You’re not alone okay, and it seems unfair to ask, but we need your help to get off this planet.” 

He sighed and wiped his eyes, “Okay. I’ll try.” 

She hugged him again, “Come eat after you fix your paint?” 

“Ye-yeah… I will.” 

“Thank you Garrus, and seriously,” she sniffled, “ if you need a shoulder, Liara and I are here.” 

“Thanks Tali.” She stood and headed out, sniffling again and muttered in her native tongue and headed out to breakfast. 

He stood and took his time to clean his face and reapply his paint before joining everyone at breakfast. 

There was a pause before Liara kicked out the chair next to her, “We saved you a plate.” 

“Thanks.” 

He ate, not tasting much, but the presence of his friends around him made him feel… a little better and he felt like he could steel himself for the work.Tali volunteered to do dishes as Ashley reviewed the progress they were making and he was surprised to learn that the crash hadn’t damaged as much as they thought. They were estimating maybe another three days before giving it a try to leave the planet's Atmosphere.

Everyone seemed a little energized by that, and their energy was infectious. He would have time to grieve, but for now, for his friends, he’d get his head out of his ass and get to work. 

The days flew by for Garrus, he ate mechanically and slept lightly, but he pulled his weight. 

He, Liara, Tali and many of the other non essential crew were in the cockpit as Ashley gave the order to engage the thrusters. 

The Normandy shuddered and they could feel the gravity stabilizers kick in as the ship rose above the ground. Garrus felt his mandibles flutter as people around him cheered in happiness. 

“Hot damn! Let get out of here Joker and see if we can get back to Sol and get in communication with the Alliance.” 

“Aye, Aye Lt. Commander. Destination, Sol.”


End file.
